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Australian Immigrant Punter Inflows causing Health Concerns

A Media firestorm has continued to surge over events taking place in the state of Michigan last weekend.  Michigan’s Blake O’ Neil, the Australian-born punter whose bobble and subsequent backwards fling of the football on the final play of the game versus Michigan State, put a dagger in the hearts of Wolverine fans around the globe, the sting of which hasn’t been felt in the school’s entire 100 plus year History.  Since then O’Neil has cited the excuse that his Aussie Rules football heritage played a role in his inexplicable backwards fling after the initial snap was dropped.  “I tried to sort of kick it over my head, and that didn’t work out,” O’Neil said on Tuesday.  The situation in Ann Arbor was so horrendous, that one fan suffered an Immediate Heart Attack following the debacle play.  According to Diane Brown, a spokeswoman for U-M’s division of Public Safety, the fan was transported by an ambulance to the University of Michigan Hospital just after the final whistle.

In the Australian game, more similar to rugby than American football, players can pass to their teammates by kicking, and it is often done so with opponents close by.  Australian Football has become a punting pipeline for the American Game.  Tom Hacket a punter for the Utah Utes, won last year’s Ray Guy Award as college’s punter of the year.  In the NFL, the Steelers’ punter Jordan Berry has this season’s longest punt at 79 yards, while the Giant’s Brad Wing is in the top 10 in punting yards.  Clearly the Aussies have well developed kicking skills.   However in addition to the O’Neil fiasco at the Big House, Michael Dickson of the beleaguered Texas Longhorns also had an unwelcome moment this season when he bobbled a snap leading to a loss to Okie State last month.  The question remains, should Australians be allowed to immigrate to the United States given their tendency to Botch Snaps real late in games, putting thousands of degenerate Fans health at risk.

Immigration officials in the state of Michigan and Texas are now demanding action through a memorandum which is being circulated before it sent to the President to issue alongside his other pending Immigration Executive Actions, such as DACA.  The Memo is known as the BABH Prevention Measure, standing for “Botch At the Big House”.  The Memo was conceived by Red Duffington, a longtime NRA Member in the state of Michigan.  Mr. Duffington said “These Aussies comin into our Land to try and steal our kicker’s jobs, it ain’t RIGHT….They may be able to kick the ball far….but they can’t handle the damn SNAP”.   While Duffington’s stance may be seen as extreme, other more Liberal leaning Health Activists in the state of Michigan have come to support the petition as well.  “We are concerned for the Safety of our citizens.  These botched snaps at the end of games clearly are causing a flood of Health Problems and our EMTs are just overwhelmed,” said Mrs. Leslie Treehugg, a local Gluten-Free Health Store operator, who was an early signee of the Memo.

We will keep you posted as this important development regarding the BABH Memo develops.

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